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The Disturbance- Another Naani poem

Another Naani poem! I really... really like this form of poetry. It is the first time I have attempted a form of poetry rather than the free style form ( which is convenient when you want to just pour out your thoughts). But Naani poetry fascinates and excites me like nothing else.

The Disturbance

Past one in the night,

an eerie silence in the air

with only a heart pounding

and my mind racing

An interesting meme

This is interesting. I have read a lot of memes in a bunch of blogs and even wondered if I will be able to be answer them as candidly as they have. And now Nasmira (probably the only regular visitor of my blog) has tagged me in such a meme.

So here it goes

1. Summer or winter?

Summer! I like the sun, warmth and bright colours. I guess practically living all my life in a city which experiences summer a good part of the year makes me feel so plus I don't mind the tan and humidity but I hate cold and flaky stuff.

2. The latest book you read?

The one I finished reading- Tea for two and a piece of cake by Preeti Shenoy.
and the one I have been reading for ages and still do not have the heart and brains to complete it- The Argumentative Indian by Amartya Sen.

3.If you could swap your country/nationality for any other, which one would it be?
Wooh! tough one. I always wanted go around the world and live in a few countries like Australia, New Zealand and London but swapping my nationality? Sorry, no way! I love being Indian beyond everything and also I am so content in this country that I cant think of me being a resident of any other country. Being Indian suits me perfect.

4.One random fact about yourself
I have never broken a bone. Seriously, not once all these 24 years. So either I am too conscious or too lucky or not so much fun as my cousin once pointed out.

5.  What would you have named yourself if you were given the chance to?
Sidhanthika, I love this name. The best thing about this name is I created it. Truly, I did. But when I was in school I wished my name started with A! Who would like to be the last person to be called for everything? Sometimes I was even clubbed with the next section for projects. Other than that Subashini does sound cool and I love the meaning of my name too.

6. When was the last time you wrote a hand written letter?
A couple of weeks ago to "myself". Yes, I thought there is so much happening at present in my life that my future self should know the emotions and thoughts and most importantly never forget the humble lessons I have learnt. So I wrote a letter "to me, by me" to be read after 10 years, if I survive. Crazy? A little bit may be.

7. If you could rewrite ONE historic event..what would it be?
I like the way the it is. Who am I to meddle with time? I believe "whatever happens, happens for good". Also if I change a single event, it would change everything that has happened, isn't it like a chain reaction?

8. When was the last time you hugged a child, looked into those innocent eyes and told you love him/her?
A couple of days back I hugged my 2 year old nephew. Now, I am not good(rather I suck at it) at letting someone know how much I care about them. That is a bit I am working on :)

9. When was the last time a stranger smiled at u because of your kind word/deed to him/her ?
Last week! I was been frisked for security reason in a temple and offered the security personnel water because she looked like she was about to fall anytime. She gave an astounding smile which she seemed to have forgotten while doing the routine. That was a genuine smile.

10. What’s your favorite color :D
I love lavender.
Clothes- black
Sky- sunset colour
Pen- blue
Eyes- honey
Oh, you can add purple too :)

11.  What got you into blogging?
Love for words may be. I wanted to express myself on some platform with/without audience. Blogging seemed to be best choice. Also it kind of liberates me. Now, that is something most of the bloggers will agree to!

Oh my, I have managed to answer all 11?! Wow. Thanks NF, I really enjoyed doing this post.

Listen to your voice- A Naani Poem

I came across a form of poetry called Naani. Now if you are hearing it for the first time like I did, this is what Naani is

It is one of the popular form of Indian Telugu poems. Nanni in Telugu means an expression of one and all.It generally depicts human relations or current statements. It was introduced by a well renowned Telugu poet Dr. N. Gopi. (Source: Writing.com)

There are not many hard and fast rules for Naani. 

The two important rules are

• A Naani contains four lines and is usually a solo verse. However, you can write more than one verse and the poem is called multiple Naani.
• The syllable count of all these lines should be between 20-25.

Interesting isn't it? It got me all excited.

This is one such wonderful Naani poem written by Bollimuntha Venkata Ramana Rao 

In-between
Language and slang
Arise the difference
Who are noble? 

Well, this is my first attempt at a Naani poem:

 Listen to the voice

And not the noise

To remain poise

Because life is your choice

A heart that can forgive

I detest bulk mails that flood my inbox everyday. One because it shouts at me to read it even if it is a piece of utter non-sense and invariably have to delete them. What a waste of time! Two, most of the of the time they ask me to forward these mails to a dozen of people and swear that failing to do which t might put me mortal danger.

So when I got a mail from a friend who is not usually into sending such forwards, I thought "Omg, another set of mails to delete every day."Surprisingly, after reading it, I did not have the same notion. I am not sure if she wrote it herself, which is a possibility considering she is a journalist, psychologist apart from her regular profession.  

So I am going to give credits for the wonderful words etched below to Neha Tinwalla. She sends a wonderful mail every Thursday called Thursday thoughts and thankfully I do not feel like deleting them. And this is one such set of thoughts.

 It is human tendency to have expectations and pin our hopes on a lot of things and even people. Not surprisingly we end up being bitterly disappointed if things don't turn out the way we wanted. The old saying forgive n forget is indeed like a miracle drug for the broken heart. Folks, there are four people you need to forgive if you are serious about changing your life and learning how to live in the now.

Parents

The first are your parents, living or dead. You must absolutely forgive them for every mistake they ever made in bringing you up. At the very least, you should be grateful to them for giving you life. They got you here. If you are happy to be alive, you can forgive them for everything else. Never complain about them again.

Often this simple act of courage and character will have a profound effect on your relationship with your mother or father. From that day onward, you will become good friends, which will last for the rest of your lives together.

On the other hand, by not forgiving your parents, you remain forever a child. You block your own chance to grow up and become a fully functioning adult. You continue to see yourself as a victim. Even worse, you keep your negative feelings of inferiority and anger alive. If your parents die without your having forgiven them, it can bother you for the rest of your life.

Close ones

The second person or persons you must forgive are the people from your marriages or relationships that didn’t work out. These intimate relationships can be so intense, and so threatening to your feelings of self-esteem and self-worth, that you can be angry and unforgiving toward those people for years.

But you were at least partially responsible. Have the personal strength and integrity to say, “I am responsible,” and then forgive the other person and let him or her go. Say the words, “I forgive him/her for everything and I wish him/her well.” Each time you repeat this, the negative emotion attached to the memory will diminish. Soon it will be gone forever.

The Letter

Many have found that “the letter” is the key to putting a bad relationship behind them forever. This is a powerful technique that can free you from feelings of anger and resentment almost instantly.

Here is how it works: You to sit down and write the other person a letter of forgiveness. It consists of three parts.

First you say, “I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me.”

Second, you write out a description or list of every single thing that you are still mad about. Some people write several pages in this part.

Third, you end the letter with the words, “I wish you well.”

You then take the letter to the mailbox and drop it in. At that moment, you will feel a huge sense of relief, and you will be free at last.

By the way, don’t worry about how the other person might react. That is not your concern. Your goal is to free yourself, to regain your peace of mind, and to get on with the wonderful life that lies ahead of you.

Clear Your Slate

 The third person you must forgive is everyone else in your life who has ever hurt you in any way. Let them go. Forgive every boss, business partner, friend, crook or betrayer who has ever caused you grief of any kind. Clean the slate and forgive to forget. Wipe each of their names and images off by saying, “I forgive him/her for everything, and I wish him/her well.” Repeat this statement each time you think of the person or situation until the negative feelings are gone.

Set Yourself Free

 The fourth and final person you have to forgive is yourself. You must absolutely forgive yourself for every silly, senseless, wicked, brainless, thoughtless or cruel thing you have ever done or said. Stop carrying these past mistakes around with you. That was then and this is now.

Think of it this way. When you did those things in the past that you still feel badly about, you were not the person you are today. At that time, you were a different person, younger and less experienced. You were not your true self. You were an immature version of the person you have become with experience. Stop beating yourself up for something that occurred in the past that you cannot change.

Just say, “I forgive myself for every mistake I ever made. I am a thoroughly good person and I am going to have a wonderful future.” Whenever you think of that event or situation, just repeat, “I forgive myself completely.” And then get on with your life. Focus on the future rather than the past and don’t look back. Look at where you are going rather than where you have been.

Finally, if you did something that hurt someone, and you still feel badly about it, you can go to that person, or write, and apologize. Tell the person you are sorry for what you did or said. Whatever his or her reaction, positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. The very act of repentance, of expressing regret, will set you free.

I am reminded of the words Martin Luther King, Jr "Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude "

A joy, A Passion, A Reminder, but never just a Game!

If you stand in a queue for about three hours in the hot sun (and you are probably one of the few girls) and still do not complain then you must have been waiting for something very important. If you are thinking I must have been waiting for such long hours for applying a visa or to get admission to a glorious college, well my intentions had been much nobler! I waited for around three and half hours to get tickets for cricket world cup (2011).
 

Oh yeah! I am one of those billion cricket adorer and is proud to be one. Where did this love which sometimes even gives me a range of symptoms from High BP to missing a beat originate? From my home, I guess, where if Azharuddin gets out my grandpa switches off the TV in his room only to switch it on in the living room.

So I grew up with this sport which has inspired many throughout the world and whose players been considered larger than life in my country. Who could have not had a heart-break when India lost their semi-finals in 1996WC (of course, if you are/ were prejudiced to this cricket loving nation and cricket itself) or had butterflies in stomach when Anil Kumble was a wicket away from taking his and India’s first ten wicket haul?
 

When my fellow class mates found teleserials interesting, a group of us took pleasure in discussing Rahul’s batting style or Srinath’s speed. As I grew old, so did my interest and love for this incredible game.

So you can imagine the mad joy I must have experienced when India did win the world cup. Tears of joy, jumping up and down and texting non-stop to convey my happiness, I can still recall those lovely moments.

Ok, it might not be a big deal for most of the people around, but for me, it truly is a moment which I will be bragging about as long as I live. 

Who knows even in my old age I might animatedly talk about "those times" and like Severus Snape, when someone asks me "after all this time", I would proudly say "always".

How can I ever agree this is just a sport when it has helped me get some really good friends, wonderful moments and a smile every time I watch it? I am not  really good at initiating conversations but few things that interest me, like cricket, is a perfect way to hold me on to person and as a starter, it does help.
 

So when I did get my tickets for the CWC last year, needless to say, I was on cloud no. infinity. I had been telling everyone around any one who would lend me a ear that watching the world cup in India is one of my long term goals (It really was since 1996 CWC). I am not kidding! I am capable of such crazy behaviors.
 

Much has been said of the sport that literally masks other wonderful games. Cricket sure has come a long way  from the time I started watching it, but the happiness of watching a really good match or even just a good over does still grip me to the seats and I hope it always does.

P.S: Now did I thank that soul who pitied on me and agreed to come along to watch a CWC match? Thank You,  Nivedita:)

Phenomenal Power!

Leave your eyes blindfolded to redundant images
Which do not lead you to the fore but haunt over 

mute those ruthless words that come pounding
never then will you have to gush out any wounding 

keep peace to uphold the balance and  your sanity
of not the world around  but begin with your own self 

never drive yourself  down slide but create serenity
because you decide on the good things you are offered 

for that thinking and judgments have a profound value
you have  power to make or break your undiscovered day

What my Saturdays will miss here onwards!

Every Saturday the first thing I look forward to after finishing my daily chores is to read The Hindu. I, of course, read it everyday and even believe my day is not complete without at least glancing at the pages from back-to-front.
 

Saturdays, however, I look forward to every week to a column written by one of my favorite columnists, Bishwanath Gosh. Reading his column brings a smile to my face, and sometimes I even laugh at loud. His columns are hilarious, informative, entertaining and what not. Needless to say I was eager to read his column last Saturday and grabbed the newspaper and sat with a cup of tea. I freaked out dramatically, and my mom came from the kitchen to see what was wrong. I squeaked "Bishwanath Gosh is not gonna write the Saturday column anymore!"" My mom gave me a "I wish my daughter was sane" look and vanished.

I re-read the whole column and pouted for almost an hour thinking how much I will miss the column. This columnist used to write about a bizarre range of things from about writing about his love for idlies, which I don't share, to about the times in his childhood. Like in on of his columns he had written about the entry of colour televisions to his home, and I didn't stop laughing long after reading it.

 He had written, which roughly translates like this -I loved watching the highlights of the test matches on the brand-new  TV and later when we were playing cricket on the ground I told my friend "I don't know why we fuss about one person bowling six balls, in International cricket Kapil bowls two balls then Bedi bowls three balls, and Kapil bowls 1 again."
 

Weird isn't it? How these faceless people warm your hearts with words. This is when I wish, I could write better. I am sure going to miss the Life In A Metro column but like he mentioned in his column all good things have to come to an end. Even so, the upside is you have better things to look forward to, perhaps, his book on Chennai!

Wordless Wednesday

This picture somehow reminds me of a quote I read in Siddhartha by Herman Hesse (a very insightful book)

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.""

A Self Rant

I must have read, talked and discussed countless times about change; be it place, person or other illusion stuffs yet what I felt sometime back is something I still ponder over and have not been able to comprehend it completely.

Sometimes I feel you change so much, cannot precisely classify the change- may be thoughts or how your perceive things, within a period of time that you cannot relate to every part of your earlier self. And when you meet people from that part of life, they might have been a piece of cake earlier, you cannot relate to them too. 

Of course, there are a bunch, a very selective bunch of people with whom who you can feel at ease at any point of time in your life but this rant is about those people with whom you have had best of your times and now somehow things suddenly change and it even feels that things just shifted in a jiffy, you know like a hot summer day receiving a swell of rain.

Except that I cannot grade the change as for good or worse because it is easy to classify if it is a rant about another person but when it is about you things look all the more muddled. Well, maybe just wait for the water to stand for a while or just quit bothering. Now, I think the second one is a Herculean task for me. Like my mom says “even if there is nothing to worry, you will worry wondering why I have no reasons to worry!” Yeah, for once I agree. I am fully capable of such a thought.

It's a small world after all

I must be suffering from dementia. I usually self-diagnose having a medical condition only when I read about it during exams (that’s the only time I read). But this one I am pretty sure of the signs. How else can I forget someone who I had known for years? Of course, we have not been in touch after my school days but still how can I not even recognize her?  It should be dementia, I concluded.

Image credits: yhqg.wordpress.com

It is rather embarrassing when you bump into someone on  a road and the other person shows signs of recognizing you with a genuine smile on their face and all you manage is a sheepish smile. You rack your brain thinking hard if you actually know them somehow. Yeah! This is exactly what happened to me. Worse, my mom who was along with me recognizes her but I had no clue about the person standing next to me.
 

Actually I was saved because of my mom. My friend (so what if we are not in touch for a decade?) calls me out my name and asks what’s up with my life and  all I was wishing was that she would give me  some clue regarding who she is. Thankfully my mom mentioned her name while conversing with her otherwise I would have been a goner.
 

Image courtesy: istockphoto.com

It is good to meet people whom you were acquainted with after ages. Just a mere sight of them, after you recognize them like in my case, brings you delight. Like this girl, we had been living in the same locality, studying in nearby schools, going to the same tuition and sometimes had even traveled together. The sheer joy of seeing a person from my happy go lucky days overwhelmed me.
 

A few conversations later I came to know she is my friend’s (with whom I still in touch) sister-in-law. I was surprised. Like a stupid I asked if she is married to her only brother. Come on! I was surprised and shocked bundled with joy. She must have probably thought this girl has not improved even a bit but instead just laughed and told “Yes, I am married to Rakesh”.
 

Wow! All these days, I have been inquiring my friend about her bhabi (sis-in-law) not having even a slightest clue that I know this very girl in person since I was in 5th standard. Now what can I say? We exchanged numbers and I searched her on Facebook and added her. Now we will surely stay connected. Thanks to the technology.
 

This, however, made my day. It made me wonder how small this world is even without the mobile phones and tablets which claim to be shrinking the world. How people can be connected far and wide even without these technologies. It indeed is a small tiny world out there, isn’t it?

Hold on!

"If you're feeling low, don't despair. The sun has a sinking spell every night, but it comes back up every morning. The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

~ Dolly Parton 

Photo credits: anvari.org

 On a wonderful day, this quote makes perfect sense. On a nice day, this is exactly the kind of life I would want to lead. Never, never give up! Oh yeah, pretty simple. I can surely hold on when things seem worst.

Consider the other side. When I am going through turbulent phases, I ask "hold on, for what? No thank you, I am having a tough time as it is". 

Photo credit: wallpapers-diq.com

I remember the tea cup story during these times. That is when I try desperately and succeed in clearing the dark clouds in my mind.  A speaker had recited this story when I was in school and somehow I have hold on this story. It may not reduce our despair or  make our times better. This story, however, offers a nice perspective on tough struggles or should I say they make you feel "may be I should hold on, its not over yet!"

 I do not know the origin of the story or who the author is but its a nice read anyway. Its a pretty long story but definitely worth a read.

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups and  this was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup.They said, "May we see that? We've never seen something so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly I (the teacup) spoke. "You don't understand. I haven't always been a teacup".

 

There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet."

"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around.Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'

Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as He shook his head, 'Not yet.'

Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There, that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. "Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'

Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet.'

Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.'

'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up'.

I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.

I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven,you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you. 

 

Moral of the story

Consider yourself as clay. You turbulent and struggling times are like what a tea cup under goes. If you just hold on to the end, you might become a beautiful, wiser, stronger person just like the tea cup. The key is to Never ever give up- you do not know how close you are.

When your mind is tumbling, when you can't return the smile but only sigh. When you can't  be thankful any more but only doubtful. That is when you need to rest  to get your perspective right but not quit yet.

Story credit: Beautiful Thought on Life and Love

Make Your Choice

image credit: squiddo.com

The choice is always yours…

To stand by your belief or succumb to circumstance,
Search for the light or stay forever in the shadow,
Leave the door closed or take few steps to open it,
Presume things or make courage to clarify them

The choice is always yours…

Wait for the path to clear or the clean the clutter,
Expect the other to speak or give an inviting smile,
Mull over the indistinct future or live the present,
Curse the falling world or become the amended

The choice is indeed yours…

Laugh over the incident or surrender to the suffering,
Hunt for appreciation outside or gain self reverence,
Regret over your past or accept it as a part of your life,
Wreck your life with hate or treat each second with love

A long cherished wish fulfilled and a few lessons learnt

Many people I know make a list of what they want to do and work accordingly, what do we call them? Ah, yes meticulous planners! (such people do still exist). I always think of planning and have fervently tried making such list without any success. And when I don't stick to such plans, I try to rationalize my laziness (or thoughtfulness) saying that I am must be destined to do better things!

But there are few wishes that are buried deep inside you and silently without any conscious effort you work  on them. Am I right? It could be anything very silly  like most of my wishes or very serious.So I do have a handful of wishes. Yeah,  I am not being modest. :)

One of my wishes! Yet to unfold :)

So this is about one such wish whose seeds were planted in my mind?? or heart??or may be both !!from the time I was some single digit old. Like Chetan Bhagat had mentioned (or ridiculed) in Two States that Tamilians are obsessed with The Hindu.Uff, not the religion but the newspaper!

True, from the time I was studying 3rd-4th standard till I finished school, I do not remember a day where I did not read The Hindu and I had/have my own style reading it. Only, I can come up with such stuff. Sorry, Did I say only me? Not at all, I do know some one who does it the same way. My style, as I call it, is reading the paper starting from the sports column which is the last page. Only then do I have the satisfaction of reading a newspaper. 

So what happened after school? Actually the television media took over the print media temporarily (for me at least) from the time I was in 8th or 9th and moved on to become my only source of new when I entered college. I was fascinated, inspired by them and the charm is wearing slowly even as I write this post. But my love for The Hindu has just grown stronger. Thanks to my two years of post-graduation where I did not have the luxury of television.

Ok now I have tried to establish my love for this newspaper where does my wish come here? I have always had this silly but ever hopeful wish to see my name printed in The Hindu. One of my friend had mocked saying that your name would come in the paper but only in obituary column and sadly you would not be alive to see it. I did feel slightly crestfallen hearing that.

This morning I called that friend to ask her to check The Metro plus (a supplement of The Hindu) and she did when I was still speaking to her over the phone. She offered her congratulations and wow. I was kind enough to return my thanks but also added that its unfortunate isn't it that it is not the obituary column. It was my idea of sweet revenge and she was dumb folded. May be I was rude.

So here is the link to my recipe that was published in The Hindu. Yey! I was ecstatic to see my name printed and even foolishly thought my life can end today which I think must be the side-effect of watching too many melodramatic movies.

I sent this recipe a long time back and never expected it to be published today. Sometimes life doesn't give us a ride in our familiar and trusted route, right? Still you land up in the right place or may be even a better one that what you had in your mind. You plant the seeds of good deeds today and it take years to grow into a tree full of all that you want. Yesterday I was all down and put for some reason and today it seemed to be just the opposite. Also, how we sometimes consider others as good for nothing when indeed every flower has its own appeal. Most importantly, I realized today that patience is a virtue which is taught and achieved only with time. I am still asking time to teach me.

Helpless

When you know what is needed to be done
To make a untainted heart stop bleeding,
To not let another precious tear drop,
To never cause another excruciating pain

But you also know nothing that is done
Can bring back the charming smile,
Can let the one flip back to chirpy talks,
Can feel the fragrance of liveliness

You can curse everyone around,
Try your best way to give a hand,
Wish fervently for a miracle to unfold,
Listening intently for a creek of hope

But the hurt of feeling helpless,
Is what you never want to suffer,
But perhaps solutions like time,
Can bear all from even the worst